the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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