is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
