That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
