I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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