I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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