What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
