I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
