So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
