Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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