I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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