anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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