Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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