i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
there is puke in my bra ... again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
