the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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