she was so not down for the gang bang
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
