Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
