Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
