I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
