his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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