Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
