There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
