Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
