I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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