All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
