Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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