Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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