New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
