i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
