Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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