So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
