dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
