I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
