I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
