i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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