Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
