My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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