i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
