i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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