then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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