it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
