she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so let's talk penis.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
