She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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