my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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