i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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