she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
