Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
