He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
