NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
