i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
