my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
